I count it a privilege to say that Lee Eclov was my good friend. In the book, The Four Loves C. S. Lewis describes friendship as a love that grows out of a shared vision or interest. Lewis says that while the posture of two lovers is to gaze into one another’s eyes, friends look at a common object in the distance and remark, “Oh, you share that same interest as well?” That’s an apt description of my relationship with Lee. Though we both graduated from Trinity College in the same year, I didn’t know Lee well at the time. Years later after graduation we discovered our mutual desire to follow Jesus and learn what it means to be a Pastor. Our friendship began during the time we were both serving as Free Church pastors: he at the Village Church of Lincolnshire and I at First Free Church in Chicago.

One early encounter stands out to me. I was on a personal retreat at St. Mary of the Lake in Mundelein. Lee’s church was nearby and he invited me to meet him for lunch at his favorite coffee shop. As we talked he asked about my experience in spiritual direction. I told him how I began receiving direction years prior and how it helped me personally and professionally. During the time I mentioned that I was providing direction for others and he asked me about that. Suddenly, he paused looked at me and asked, “Would you be my spiritual director?” It was something I was not expecting. I had always looked up to Lee and frankly, I was surprised he would asked me to be his director. We met monthly for quite some time and grew in our mutual appreciation of each other. After a few years our direction relationship ended and we formed a rich friendship which was a profound gift to me. Part of that gift included being on the receiving end of Lee’s pastoral gifts when he presided over my mother’s funeral. 

I consider myself especially privileged to be Lee’s friend because everyone wanted to be his friend. I’m impressed by just how many friends Lee had. Someone told his wife, Susan, “If you walk into any room and swing a dead cat by the tail, you’re bound to hit someone who knows Lee Eclov.” It may be hard to imagine why anyone would want to swing a dead cat by the tail but it is not difficult to imagine so many wanting to be Lee’s friend. Lee had a magnetic personality and a curiosity about other people that drew us into his warm embrace. He had so many friends from his church ministries, from his preaching at pastor’s gatherings, from his seminary teaching, from his publishing ministry. And of course there were the tribe of friends he collected from his frequent visits to Einstein Bagels. When we were together, Lee would often tell me about the friends he made while in the coffee shop. I find that often when I’m among a group of pastors, Lee’s name will come up. Just a couple of weeks ago, I was at a leadership retreat and a pastor said to me, “You know, Lee was something of a local legend.” Yes, Lee was legendary!

Whenever we met, I could anticipate two questions. “What books are  you reading?” and “What are you preaching?” Knowing the questions were sure to be asked sometimes I rehearsed my answers on my way to meet Lee. Conversations with Lee were always engaging and a time of learning and discovery. As time went on our friendship expanded to include my wife, Wenda and Lee’s wife, Susan. 

In my office, I keep a few reminders of my friendship with Lee. One is a framed copy of the front page of the Chicago Tribune dated Thursday November 3^rd 2016. The Chicago Cubs had just won the world series win after a 108 years wait. (Don’t laugh, any team can have a bad century). I wanted to mark the moment and knowing that Lee had a hobby of framing pictures, I asked him to frame two copies for me. This one hangs in my office and the other I gave to my son. Later Lee framed my poster of Rembrandt’s Return of the Prodigal Son. It is a depiction of the prodigal’s homecoming. Both Lee and I identified the parable from Luke 15 as our favorite. I also have in my office this small picture that Lee gave to me. It is of a man reading while sitting on a stack of books. The inscription on the back reads, “A Shelfie (In addition to using words so well, Lee could even make up new words). A Shelfie for my erudite friend, Bill; Art by Steve Bjorkman; Matted by Lee the Lesser.” I chuckle at Lee’s description of himself because I know that he knew I could never consider him as “the Lessor.” 

Lee not only loved words and reading books, as you know he also was a prolific writer. I’ll leave that for others to talk about. I loved and admired Lee for so many reasons but I want to underscore just one. Lee cared for and mentored many pastors. He was a pastor’s pastor. He was a pastor to me. I was particularly moved reading numerous tributes to Lee written by grateful shepherds.

Being the same age as Lee, we anticipated retirement at about the same time. My wife and I retired to Williams Bay, Wisconsin and Lee and his wife Susan settled in Rockford, IL. So Lee suggested he and I meet half way between our two homes. It was his excuse to introduce me to Bessies’ Diner, a quaint restaurant that sits next to a runway at the Beloit airport. There over lunch and cups of coffee we’d share what books we were reading, stories of ministry and the challenges of aging and retirement. I don’t think I’ll ever drive through Beloit again without thinking of Lee and our times together at Bessies’. 

Psalm 71:17,18 reads, “Since my youth, God you have taught me, and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds. Even when I am old and gray, do not forsake me, my God, until I have declared your power to the next generation, your mighty acts to all who are to come.” Anyone who knew Lee, knows that is exactly what he did. Whether it was through preaching from the pulpit, writing books and articles, speaking at pastors’ conferences or sipping coffee with a friend, Lee invested his life in others.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer in his book, Life Together wrote, “Nothing can make up for the absence of someone we love, and it would be wrong to try to find a substitute, we must simply hold out and see it through. That sounds very hard at first, but at the same time it is a great consolation, for the gap as long as it remains unfulfilled, preserves the bond between us. It is nonsense to say that God fills the gap; God does not fill it, but on the contrary, God keeps it empty and so helps us keep alive our former communion with each other, even at the cost of pain.”

             So while my grief lingers, I can honestly say, “I’m deeply grateful for my friendship with Lee Eclov.”